Having Hope

Sometimes, I feel hopeful.  Maybe *this* is the month.  I/we did ____ (New herbs, acupuncture, thyroid medication, an HSG, the clomid challenge test, making love 5 days in a row, whatever), and that was different than all the other times…

It feels dangerous to have hope.  It feels dangerous not to have hope.  If I am hopeful, I am more let down when the signs my period is coming show up.  A lot more let down.  But if I don’t have hope… well then I am not manifesting what I really want.  My husband and I generally like to ‘manifest’ our desires – put the intention out there.  But I don’t want the huge let down.

Hope seems to show up in very predictable times in my cycle.  Nearly always at in the middle.  Something about those ovulation hormones make me feel better.  I am prettier, thinner, and more fertile… or so I think.  Today, at 7dpo, I know that the hope is about to drop off.  So I am hanging onto it, as much as I can.  But not too much.  Cause come on, really.  Why would *this* time be any different?

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