Other People Pregnancies

Because of where I am at in life – mid thirties, a mom of a preschooler – I am constantly surrounded by pregnant women. A couple of years ago, I loved it.  Now, I deplore it.  In fact, I avoid situations where there are pregnant people, or where someone might announce a pregnancy.

Obviously, there are times when I have to be around pregnant people.  My sister in law, for example.  We started trying when they were pregnant with #1.  And yes, #2 is due is a couple months.    And here’s the point of this post – It’s not that I am not happy for them.  I love my niece and my niece to be.  I truly do.  And I am happy for my SIL and BIL.  But they serve as a marker in time.  They summarize just how long I have been waiting/trying.   In the amount of time I (we) have been trying for one, they have had 2.

My husband has another sibling, who had a baby at the same time as my BIL/SIL, and I get nervous every time we talk.  I now they wanna have more kids, and I am building myself up to hear the announcement.

As a rule, I don’t attend baby showers.  It is just too painful.  I imagine what it would be like if I was the other party.  I don’t know that I’d understand, honestly.  Before we started trying, I tried co-hosting a shower with a friend who has suffered infertility – at that point, she was in the process of adopting.  I didn’t understand why she didn’t want to do it.  I do now.

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2 responses to this post.

  1. Hi there! I found you through LFCA. I’m the mama of a 10 month old little girl that was the result of a 3 year struggle with infertility. When we’re ready, we’re going to be going down that path again for any future babies that we might be lucky enough to have.

    I’m so sorry that this is something that you’re going through as well. I can relate so much to what you’re saying here. My hubby’s brother and sister-in-law never wanted babies until they met ours. They started trying and were pregnant within a month or two. As happy as I wanted to be for them, it made me angry. REALLY angry.

    They’re due any day now and as hard as I try, I still have baggage about it. It has nothing to do with how I feel about them or their baby, it has everything to do with how I feel about myself and the world.

    Good luck to you and hang in there!!

    Reply

  2. Thanks so much!
    Just last night, I got the call I referred to in the post. The other sister in law is pregnant. I feel guilty that it makes me sad. I am happy for them, but I am REALLY sad for me… I think what you said, that it’s not about them or their baby, but about us, is hard to convey… Just to add to all of the hard things we all have gone or are going through…

    Reply

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